[润色成篇]
| 初级范文 | 高分范文 |
| --- | --- |
| My hobby
Different people have different hobbies. My hobby is playing basketball.
Last weekend, I joined a team to play basketball against another one in our neighbourhood. ①The match was really exciting. We lost the game, but it brought us so much fun.
②Playing basketball can help me keep healthy and relax myself. And it is helpful for my study.
③But I will always remember that I can't spend too much time playing it. | My hobby
Different people have different hobbies. My hobby is playing basketball.
Last weekend, I joined a team to play basketball against another one in our neighbourhood. ①The match was really exciting, .（使用because引导的原因状语从句升格）Even though we lost the game, it brought us so much fun.
图1 ②Playing basketball is a good way to keep healthy and relax myself. And it is helpful for my study. ③But I will always remember that .（使用“It is+adj. +to do sth.”句型升格） |
名师指导：
一、高分范文中，①使用because引导的原因状语从句升格，让前后文表达更连贯；②使用“a good way+to do sth”升格，丰富了文章的句式；③使用“It is+adj. +to do sth.”句型升格，显示了作者深厚的英语功底，同时说明了作者对业余爱好的看法。
二、两篇范文都正确使用了一般过去时、一般现在时和一般将来时，说明了自己的爱好，讲述了有关爱好的一次经历并阐述了爱好对自己的影响，文章条理清晰，包含了所有的要点。

①because everyone tried their best to win
③it's bad to spend too much time playing it

【分析】
这是英语写作润色补全题，需根据指定句型要求结合语境补全句子。①处要求用because引导原因状语从句，前文提到比赛很激动人心，需补充比赛激动的原因；③处要求用“It is+adj. +to do sth.”句型，结合前文提到不能花太多时间打篮球的内容，补全符合句型的句子。
【解析】
①处：根据要求使用because引导原因状语从句，结合语境，比赛激动人心的原因是“everyone tried their best to win”，使前后逻辑连贯；③处：根据要求使用“It is+adj. +to do sth.”句型，结合前文“can't spend too much time playing it”，补全为“it's bad to spend too much time playing it”，符合句型结构和语境。
【答案】
①because everyone tried their best to win；③it's bad to spend too much time playing it
【知识点】
英语写作润色、原因状语从句、固定句型运用
【点评】
本题考查英语写作中指定句型的运用，要求学生掌握原因状语从句和“It is+adj. +to do sth.”句型的正确使用，提升文章表达的连贯性与丰富性，是英语写作升格类的常见题型。
【难度系数】
0.5

假如你是李帆,你的好友艾伦(Allen)来信询问你的爱好。请你根据下面的提示,用英语给他写一封回信,介绍你的爱好。
提示:1. What is your hobby? 2. When did you start it?
3. Why do you like it? 4. What have you learnt from your hobby?
注意:1. 回信须包含所有提示内容,可适当发挥;
2.70词左右。信的开头和结尾已给出,不计入总词数。
书写区域 Good writing makes your article better.
Dear Allen,






Yours,
Li Fan

写作指导与评价
步骤 要点 自评 他评
是(√) 否(×)
审 使用了一般现在时和一般过去时
使用了第一人称
采用了三段式
润 用到了介绍个人爱好的好词好句,如:
1. hear from
2. let me tell you something about…
3. in fact
4. I started… when I…
5. learn a lot about
6. it is fun to do sth
…
查 包含了提示中的全部要点
正确使用不同的时态
在拼写、语法、标点方面都正确
达到了词数要求
书写美观、书面整洁
One possible version:
Dear Allen,
I'm glad to hear from you. You asked me about my hobby. Now let me tell you something about my hobby.
In fact, I have many hobbies, but my favourite is travelling. I started to travel when I was ten years old. I travelled to many places by myself or with my parents. By travelling I can open my mind. When I visit some different places of interest, I can learn a lot about people, places and history. I think it is fun to travel.
What is your hobby, Allen? Could you share it with me?
Yours,
Li Fan

【分析】这是一封给好友的英语回信，需遵循书信格式（开头、结尾已给出）。解题思路：1. 选择贴近学生生活的爱好（如旅行）作为核心内容；2. 按提示依次作答：明确爱好、说明开始时间、阐述喜欢的原因、说明从爱好中获得的收获；3. 正确使用时态（一般现在时介绍爱好，一般过去时说明开始时间）；4. 补充询问对方爱好，符合好友交流的语气，控制词数在70左右，覆盖所有提示要点。
【解析】首先承接来信引出爱好，中间依次说明爱好是旅行、十岁开始旅行、旅行能开阔眼界并了解各地人文历史、从旅行中收获知识，最后询问对方爱好，符合书信结构与要求，时态、用词恰当，覆盖所有提示要点。
【答案】Dear Allen,
I'm glad to hear from you. You asked me about my hobby. Now let me tell you something about my hobby.
In fact, I have many hobbies, but my favourite is travelling. I started to travel when I was ten years old. I travelled to many places by myself or with my parents. By travelling I can open my mind. When I visit some different places of interest, I can learn a lot about people, places and history. I think it is fun to travel.
What is your hobby, Allen? Could you share it with me?
Yours,
Li Fan
【知识点】英语书信写作、个人爱好表达、时态运用
【点评】这封回信完整覆盖所有提示要点，时态使用准确，语气自然亲切，符合好友间交流的语境，词数达标，是一篇符合要求的优秀范文。
【难度系数】0.6