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2 Revise the following student writing according to the teacher’s comments. 根据教师的评语，修改以下学生习作。
Draft:
A memorable trip
I remember a trip to the Grand Canyon. It was really unforgettable. I stood on the South Rim.
I was surprised by the huge space in front of me.
I watched the sunrise. It painted the sky orange and pink. I walked down the Bright Angel Trail.
I felt how big the ancient rocks were. I took a lot of photos. I wanted to keep those moments forever.
Nature is so great and beautiful. I felt small. When I went home, I had a new sense of wonder. This memory is still deep in my heart.
Comments:
• Your writing has repetitive（多次重复的） sentence beginnings — many start with “I”. Please vary the sentence openers.
• Try to add some descriptive details to make your writing more engaging and vivid.
The revised version:
Draft:
A memorable trip
I remember a trip to the Grand Canyon. It was really unforgettable. I stood on the South Rim.
I was surprised by the huge space in front of me.
I watched the sunrise. It painted the sky orange and pink. I walked down the Bright Angel Trail.
I felt how big the ancient rocks were. I took a lot of photos. I wanted to keep those moments forever.
Nature is so great and beautiful. I felt small. When I went home, I had a new sense of wonder. This memory is still deep in my heart.
Comments:
• Your writing has repetitive（多次重复的） sentence beginnings — many start with “I”. Please vary the sentence openers.
• Try to add some descriptive details to make your writing more engaging and vivid.
The revised version:
答案
(Answers may vary.)
A trip I took to the Grand Canyon is one of my unforgettable memories. It was such a special experience for me. From the South Rim, I looked out at the huge canyon and felt amazed by its great size. The sunrise came slowly, which painted the sky warm orange and pink. On the Bright Angel Trail, I walked down and touched the old, hard rock formations. I took many photos to keep those nice moments forever. Seeing nature’s great beauty, I felt very small. When I returned home, I was filled with a sense of wonder. This sweet memory is still deep in my mind now.
A trip I took to the Grand Canyon is one of my unforgettable memories. It was such a special experience for me. From the South Rim, I looked out at the huge canyon and felt amazed by its great size. The sunrise came slowly, which painted the sky warm orange and pink. On the Bright Angel Trail, I walked down and touched the old, hard rock formations. I took many photos to keep those nice moments forever. Seeing nature’s great beauty, I felt very small. When I returned home, I was filled with a sense of wonder. This sweet memory is still deep in my mind now.
解析
【分析】
本题要求根据教师评语修改学生习作，核心要求有两点：一是避免重复以“I”开头的句子，需变换句子开头；二是增加描述性细节让内容更生动。解题思路为：1. 调整句子开头，替换重复的“I”，丰富句子结构；2. 添加具体细节描写，提升内容的生动性；3. 优化表达，确保修改后内容连贯自然且保留原文核心意思。
【解析】
1. 调整句子开头，避免重复：将原句中多处以“I”开头的句子改为其他开头，如把“I remember a trip to the Grand Canyon.”改为“A trip I took to the Grand Canyon is one of my unforgettable memories.”，把“I stood on the South Rim.”改为“From the South Rim, I looked out at the huge canyon and felt amazed by its great size.”；
2. 添加细节描写：补充具体描述性内容，如将“It painted the sky orange and pink.”改为“which painted the sky warm orange and pink.”，将“I felt how big the ancient rocks were.”改为“I walked down and touched the old, hard rock formations.”，让内容更鲜活；
3. 优化表达：调整部分词汇和短语，如把“went home”改为“returned home”，“had a new sense of wonder”改为“was filled with a sense of wonder”，使语句更流畅自然。
【答案】
A trip I took to the Grand Canyon is one of my unforgettable memories. It was such a special experience for me. From the South Rim, I looked out at the huge canyon and felt amazed by its great size. The sunrise came slowly, which painted the sky warm orange and pink. On the Bright Angel Trail, I walked down and touched the old, hard rock formations. I took many photos to keep those nice moments forever. Seeing nature’s great beauty, I felt very small. When I returned home, I was filled with a sense of wonder. This sweet memory is still deep in my mind now.
【知识点】
英语写作修改、句子多样性、细节描写
【点评】
本题考查学生对英语写作基础技巧的应用，需紧扣教师评语要求，在保留原文核心内容的前提下，调整句子结构避免重复，补充细节提升文章生动性，是写作练习中常见的基础题型。
【难度系数】
0.5
本题要求根据教师评语修改学生习作，核心要求有两点：一是避免重复以“I”开头的句子，需变换句子开头；二是增加描述性细节让内容更生动。解题思路为：1. 调整句子开头，替换重复的“I”，丰富句子结构；2. 添加具体细节描写，提升内容的生动性；3. 优化表达，确保修改后内容连贯自然且保留原文核心意思。
【解析】
1. 调整句子开头，避免重复：将原句中多处以“I”开头的句子改为其他开头，如把“I remember a trip to the Grand Canyon.”改为“A trip I took to the Grand Canyon is one of my unforgettable memories.”，把“I stood on the South Rim.”改为“From the South Rim, I looked out at the huge canyon and felt amazed by its great size.”；
2. 添加细节描写：补充具体描述性内容，如将“It painted the sky orange and pink.”改为“which painted the sky warm orange and pink.”，将“I felt how big the ancient rocks were.”改为“I walked down and touched the old, hard rock formations.”，让内容更鲜活；
3. 优化表达：调整部分词汇和短语，如把“went home”改为“returned home”，“had a new sense of wonder”改为“was filled with a sense of wonder”，使语句更流畅自然。
【答案】
A trip I took to the Grand Canyon is one of my unforgettable memories. It was such a special experience for me. From the South Rim, I looked out at the huge canyon and felt amazed by its great size. The sunrise came slowly, which painted the sky warm orange and pink. On the Bright Angel Trail, I walked down and touched the old, hard rock formations. I took many photos to keep those nice moments forever. Seeing nature’s great beauty, I felt very small. When I returned home, I was filled with a sense of wonder. This sweet memory is still deep in my mind now.
【知识点】
英语写作修改、句子多样性、细节描写
【点评】
本题考查学生对英语写作基础技巧的应用，需紧扣教师评语要求，在保留原文核心内容的前提下，调整句子结构避免重复，补充细节提升文章生动性，是写作练习中常见的基础题型。
【难度系数】
0.5
