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小试牛刀
假如你是 Lucy，昨天下午你所在的城市遭遇了一场暴风雨。请你给你的好友 Lily 写一封电子邮件，向她描述暴风雨来临时与平息后的情况。
【要求】
（1）须包含上表所有内容，并适当发挥；
（2）文中不得出现个人真实姓名和校名；
（3）不少于 80 词。开头已给出，不计入总词数。
Dear Lily,
Let me tell you something about the rainstorm yesterday afternoon.
Yours,
Lucy
分数：
书写：★★★★★
结构：★★★★★
内容：★★★★★
Advice from your teacher：
假如你是 Lucy，昨天下午你所在的城市遭遇了一场暴风雨。请你给你的好友 Lily 写一封电子邮件，向她描述暴风雨来临时与平息后的情况。
【要求】
（1）须包含上表所有内容，并适当发挥；
（2）文中不得出现个人真实姓名和校名；
（3）不少于 80 词。开头已给出，不计入总词数。
Dear Lily,
Let me tell you something about the rainstorm yesterday afternoon.
At first, it was just another normal day. By four o'clock yesterday afternoon, everything was fine. However, at about half past four, I was doing my homework when I suddenly noticed it felt like midnight outside.
At that time, my father was looking through newspapers in the living room while my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I was a little scared, but as soon as I realized what was going on, I shouted to my family to let them know the situation—The rainstorm came! The rain was beating heavily against the roof.
By the time the rain stopped, rubbish was everywhere. Thanks to our kind neighbours, we cleaned it and got back to our lives quickly. The disaster brought families and neighbours closer than before.（共 128 词）
Yours,
Lucy
分数：
书写：★★★★★
结构：★★★★★
内容：★★★★★
Advice from your teacher：
答案
【小试牛刀】
Dear Lily,
Let me tell you something about the rainstorm yesterday afternoon.
At first, it was just another normal day. By four o'clock yesterday afternoon, everything was fine. However, at about half past four, I was doing my homework when I suddenly noticed it felt like midnight outside.
At that time, my father was looking through newspapers in the living room while my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I was a little scared, but as soon as I realized what was going on, I shouted to my family to let them know the situation—The rainstorm came! The rain was beating heavily against the roof.
By the time the rain stopped, rubbish was everywhere. Thanks to our kind neighbours, we cleaned it and got back to our lives quickly. The disaster brought families and neighbours closer than before.（共 128 词）
Yours,
Lucy
Dear Lily,
Let me tell you something about the rainstorm yesterday afternoon.
At first, it was just another normal day. By four o'clock yesterday afternoon, everything was fine. However, at about half past four, I was doing my homework when I suddenly noticed it felt like midnight outside.
At that time, my father was looking through newspapers in the living room while my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I was a little scared, but as soon as I realized what was going on, I shouted to my family to let them know the situation—The rainstorm came! The rain was beating heavily against the roof.
By the time the rain stopped, rubbish was everywhere. Thanks to our kind neighbours, we cleaned it and got back to our lives quickly. The disaster brought families and neighbours closer than before.（共 128 词）
Yours,
Lucy
解析
【分析】
首先，我们要明确这是一篇给好友的电子邮件写作，核心任务是描述昨天下午暴风雨来临及平息后的情况，且必须包含表格中“我写作业、爸爸看报纸、妈妈做晚饭”三个内容。解题思路如下：
1. 搭建框架：按照“暴风雨来临前→来临中（家人的动作+场景）→平息后”的时间线组织内容，逻辑清晰，符合记叙文叙事逻辑。
2. 确定时态：暴风雨发生在昨天下午，描述来临那一刻正在进行的动作要用过去进行时（was/were + doing），描述暴风雨的过程和后续情况用一般过去时。
3. 填充内容：先铺垫来临前的日常状态，再自然过渡到暴风雨来临的瞬间，把表格里的三个动作融入场景，补充暴风雨时的环境细节，最后写平息后的场景并适当发挥（如邻里互助），满足词数要求。
4. 注意格式：严格遵循邮件格式，语气自然贴合好友间的语境，同时不能出现真实姓名和校名。
【解析】
1. 开篇铺垫：用简单语句描述暴风雨来临前的日常，如“At first, it was just another normal day. By four o'clock yesterday afternoon, everything was fine.”，为暴风雨的到来做铺垫。
2. 切入暴风雨来临瞬间：用“when”引导的时间状语从句，衔接“我正在写作业”和暴风雨来临的场景，即“I was doing my homework when I suddenly noticed it felt like midnight outside.”，自然引入事件。
3. 融入表格内容：用过去进行时描述家人的动作，用“while”连接两个同时进行的动作，“my father was looking through newspapers in the living room while my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen.”，清晰呈现表格里的三个动作，符合题目要求。
4. 补充暴风雨细节：添加环境描写“The rain was beating heavily against the roof.”，增强场景真实感，同时加入自己的情绪“I was a little scared”，让内容更生动。
5. 描述暴风雨平息后：写灾难后的场景“rubbish was everywhere”，再发挥加入邻里互助的内容“Thanks to our kind neighbours, we cleaned it and got back to our lives quickly.”，最后升华主题“The disaster brought families and neighbours closer than before.”，让文章更有温度。
6. 检查：确保词数达标（不少于80词），无真实信息，所有表格内容都包含，语句连贯，时态正确。
【答案】
Dear Lily,
Let me tell you something about the rainstorm yesterday afternoon.
At first, it was just another normal day. By four o'clock yesterday afternoon, everything was fine. However, at about half past four, I was doing my homework when I suddenly noticed it felt like midnight outside.
At that time, my father was looking through newspapers in the living room while my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I was a little scared, but as soon as I realized what was going on, I shouted to my family to let them know the situation—The rainstorm came! The rain was beating heavily against the roof.
By the time the rain stopped, rubbish was everywhere. Thanks to our kind neighbours, we cleaned it and got back to our lives quickly. The disaster brought families and neighbours closer than before.
Yours,
Lucy
【知识点】
1. 过去进行时用法
2. 电子邮件写作
3. 记叙文场景描述
【点评】
这篇范文紧扣题目要求，完整包含表格中的所有内容，时态运用准确，以时间线为叙事逻辑，场景描写生动细腻，加入的邻里互助细节丰富了文章内容，同时升华了主题，语句连贯自然，符合给好友写信的语气，词数达标，是一篇优秀的英语写作范文。
【难度系数】
0.6
首先，我们要明确这是一篇给好友的电子邮件写作，核心任务是描述昨天下午暴风雨来临及平息后的情况，且必须包含表格中“我写作业、爸爸看报纸、妈妈做晚饭”三个内容。解题思路如下：
1. 搭建框架：按照“暴风雨来临前→来临中（家人的动作+场景）→平息后”的时间线组织内容，逻辑清晰，符合记叙文叙事逻辑。
2. 确定时态：暴风雨发生在昨天下午，描述来临那一刻正在进行的动作要用过去进行时（was/were + doing），描述暴风雨的过程和后续情况用一般过去时。
3. 填充内容：先铺垫来临前的日常状态，再自然过渡到暴风雨来临的瞬间，把表格里的三个动作融入场景，补充暴风雨时的环境细节，最后写平息后的场景并适当发挥（如邻里互助），满足词数要求。
4. 注意格式：严格遵循邮件格式，语气自然贴合好友间的语境，同时不能出现真实姓名和校名。
【解析】
1. 开篇铺垫：用简单语句描述暴风雨来临前的日常，如“At first, it was just another normal day. By four o'clock yesterday afternoon, everything was fine.”，为暴风雨的到来做铺垫。
2. 切入暴风雨来临瞬间：用“when”引导的时间状语从句，衔接“我正在写作业”和暴风雨来临的场景，即“I was doing my homework when I suddenly noticed it felt like midnight outside.”，自然引入事件。
3. 融入表格内容：用过去进行时描述家人的动作，用“while”连接两个同时进行的动作，“my father was looking through newspapers in the living room while my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen.”，清晰呈现表格里的三个动作，符合题目要求。
4. 补充暴风雨细节：添加环境描写“The rain was beating heavily against the roof.”，增强场景真实感，同时加入自己的情绪“I was a little scared”，让内容更生动。
5. 描述暴风雨平息后：写灾难后的场景“rubbish was everywhere”，再发挥加入邻里互助的内容“Thanks to our kind neighbours, we cleaned it and got back to our lives quickly.”，最后升华主题“The disaster brought families and neighbours closer than before.”，让文章更有温度。
6. 检查：确保词数达标（不少于80词），无真实信息，所有表格内容都包含，语句连贯，时态正确。
【答案】
Dear Lily,
Let me tell you something about the rainstorm yesterday afternoon.
At first, it was just another normal day. By four o'clock yesterday afternoon, everything was fine. However, at about half past four, I was doing my homework when I suddenly noticed it felt like midnight outside.
At that time, my father was looking through newspapers in the living room while my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I was a little scared, but as soon as I realized what was going on, I shouted to my family to let them know the situation—The rainstorm came! The rain was beating heavily against the roof.
By the time the rain stopped, rubbish was everywhere. Thanks to our kind neighbours, we cleaned it and got back to our lives quickly. The disaster brought families and neighbours closer than before.
Yours,
Lucy
【知识点】
1. 过去进行时用法
2. 电子邮件写作
3. 记叙文场景描述
【点评】
这篇范文紧扣题目要求，完整包含表格中的所有内容，时态运用准确，以时间线为叙事逻辑，场景描写生动细腻，加入的邻里互助细节丰富了文章内容，同时升华了主题，语句连贯自然，符合给好友写信的语气，词数达标，是一篇优秀的英语写作范文。
【难度系数】
0.6
