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[范文评析]
1. 总评:契合“Time to celebrate”主题,清晰回应了“节日习俗(春节团圆)、节日里的劳动者(铁路工人)、劳动者的付出”等内容,立意温暖且有深度,传递了对节日坚守岗位者的感激之情。
2. 结构布局:采用“开篇点明春节团圆主题→正文介绍铁路工人的节日工作与付出→结尾抒发感激之情”的三段式结构,逻辑清晰,层次分明。
[写作实践]
在节假日期间,人们往往会选择放松身心,享受生活。然而,有一些人却选择坚守岗位。你身边有没有在节假日依然坚守岗位的人呢?请根据以下导图用英语写一篇70词左右的短文,介绍一个他/她在节假日期间坚守岗位的故事,发表你对他/她的评价或看法,并向《中学生英语》杂志社投稿。
1. 总评:契合“Time to celebrate”主题,清晰回应了“节日习俗(春节团圆)、节日里的劳动者(铁路工人)、劳动者的付出”等内容,立意温暖且有深度,传递了对节日坚守岗位者的感激之情。
2. 结构布局:采用“开篇点明春节团圆主题→正文介绍铁路工人的节日工作与付出→结尾抒发感激之情”的三段式结构,逻辑清晰,层次分明。
[写作实践]
在节假日期间,人们往往会选择放松身心,享受生活。然而,有一些人却选择坚守岗位。你身边有没有在节假日依然坚守岗位的人呢?请根据以下导图用英语写一篇70词左右的短文,介绍一个他/她在节假日期间坚守岗位的故事,发表你对他/她的评价或看法,并向《中学生英语》杂志社投稿。
答案
第八课时 Writing
标准提分版：
A Nurse on Duty During Festivals
My neighbour, Miss Li, is a nurse. Last Mid-Autumn Festival, when we ate mooncakes at home, she was on duty in the hospital.
Her job is to look after sick people. She checks patients' temperatures and talks to them gently. She says, "I want them to feel warm even on festivals."
Miss Li is great. She gives up her festival time to help others. We should thank people like her—they make our festivals nicer.
进阶优化版：
A Cleaner on Duty During Festivals
Last Spring Festival, I noticed Mr Zhang, the community cleaner, still on duty. While my family was making dumplings, he was sweeping the street.
His duty is to keep our community clean. He cleared waste even when it was cold. When I gave him a cup of hot tea, he smiled and said, "Thank you. I need to make the neighbourhood tidy for everyone to enjoy the happy festival."
Mr Zhang's work is common but important. He doesn't rest on festivals, so we can enjoy a clean and nice place. Such people are the "angels" behind our happy festivals—we should always be thankful to them.
标准提分版：
A Nurse on Duty During Festivals
My neighbour, Miss Li, is a nurse. Last Mid-Autumn Festival, when we ate mooncakes at home, she was on duty in the hospital.
Her job is to look after sick people. She checks patients' temperatures and talks to them gently. She says, "I want them to feel warm even on festivals."
Miss Li is great. She gives up her festival time to help others. We should thank people like her—they make our festivals nicer.
进阶优化版：
A Cleaner on Duty During Festivals
Last Spring Festival, I noticed Mr Zhang, the community cleaner, still on duty. While my family was making dumplings, he was sweeping the street.
His duty is to keep our community clean. He cleared waste even when it was cold. When I gave him a cup of hot tea, he smiled and said, "Thank you. I need to make the neighbourhood tidy for everyone to enjoy the happy festival."
Mr Zhang's work is common but important. He doesn't rest on festivals, so we can enjoy a clean and nice place. Such people are the "angels" behind our happy festivals—we should always be thankful to them.
解析
【分析】
首先明确写作要求：需围绕导图的四个核心要素（人物姓名、职业/职责、节日经历、个人评论），创作一篇70词左右的英语短文，主题聚焦节假日坚守岗位的人。第一步，拟定贴合主题的短文标题；第二步，介绍人物身份，结合具体节日场景，描述他人过节时该人物坚守岗位的情况；第三步，说明人物的具体职责与工作内容；第四步，表达对该人物的评价，传递感激与赞扬之情。
【解析】
1. 拟定标题：紧扣“节假日值班的人”主题，如“A Nurse on Duty During Festivals”；
2. 第一段：介绍人物（邻居李护士），结合具体节日（去年中秋），描述家人团聚吃月饼时，她在医院值班的场景；
3. 第二段：说明她的职责（照顾病人），列举具体工作（测体温、温柔交流），引用她的话语体现奉献心意；
4. 第三段：表达评论，赞扬她放弃节日时间帮助他人，呼吁感谢这类人，点明他们让节日更美好。
【答案】
A Nurse on Duty During Festivals
My neighbour, Miss Li, is a nurse. Last Mid-Autumn Festival, when we ate mooncakes at home, she was on duty in the hospital.
Her job is to look after sick people. She checks patients' temperatures and talks to them gently. She says, "I want them to feel warm even on festivals."
Miss Li is great. She gives up her festival time to help others. We should thank people like her—they make our festivals nicer.
【知识点】
英语话题作文、英语应用文写作
【点评】
范文严格遵循题目要求，围绕导图要素展开，结构清晰，层次分明，语言简洁流畅，情感真挚，传递了对坚守岗位者的感激，符合投稿的规范与要求。
【难度系数】
0.5
首先明确写作要求：需围绕导图的四个核心要素（人物姓名、职业/职责、节日经历、个人评论），创作一篇70词左右的英语短文，主题聚焦节假日坚守岗位的人。第一步，拟定贴合主题的短文标题；第二步，介绍人物身份，结合具体节日场景，描述他人过节时该人物坚守岗位的情况；第三步，说明人物的具体职责与工作内容；第四步，表达对该人物的评价，传递感激与赞扬之情。
【解析】
1. 拟定标题：紧扣“节假日值班的人”主题，如“A Nurse on Duty During Festivals”；
2. 第一段：介绍人物（邻居李护士），结合具体节日（去年中秋），描述家人团聚吃月饼时，她在医院值班的场景；
3. 第二段：说明她的职责（照顾病人），列举具体工作（测体温、温柔交流），引用她的话语体现奉献心意；
4. 第三段：表达评论，赞扬她放弃节日时间帮助他人，呼吁感谢这类人，点明他们让节日更美好。
【答案】
A Nurse on Duty During Festivals
My neighbour, Miss Li, is a nurse. Last Mid-Autumn Festival, when we ate mooncakes at home, she was on duty in the hospital.
Her job is to look after sick people. She checks patients' temperatures and talks to them gently. She says, "I want them to feel warm even on festivals."
Miss Li is great. She gives up her festival time to help others. We should thank people like her—they make our festivals nicer.
【知识点】
英语话题作文、英语应用文写作
【点评】
范文严格遵循题目要求，围绕导图要素展开，结构清晰，层次分明，语言简洁流畅，情感真挚，传递了对坚守岗位者的感激，符合投稿的规范与要求。
【难度系数】
0.5
